It takes 3 buses to get there. The timetables are few and far between. Worse yet, there are not many scheduled per day. Especially if you are going all the way from Barcelona to Formigal (or back). I was. And there was NO way I was going to miss out on spending time with my man!
On the first bus, I had the luxury of sleeping a little. Un poco. When I decided I should start paying attention (about two hours too early, but well worth it visually), I started getting excited about meeting all these people I had been hearing about for so long. The people in my boyfriend's life that I haven't met yet that he really cares about.
Unfortunately this quickly turned into stress. Ahhhh, he cares about these people. They are his Formigal family (for lack of a better term). What if I can't think of anything to say in Spanish? What if I don't understand what is being said? Crap. I want to be able to speak well with them. Basically, I psyched myself out.
I think most people can understand that second, third, or fourth family away from family feeling. You know that group of people that you are around all the time. You bicker like families do. Annoy each other like families do. Sometimes you like and love them as people, sometimes you don't like them as a person but you love them anyway. I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
Family and groups that are 'like family', they are wonderful. However, when they are not your own, but the loved ones of your love, it can be a little nerve racking. I will say, since I've been here I have been meeting family and friends since day one. I am not complaining here. I would like to make that clear. In some ways I am lucky, there is not a person I have met so far that I didn't like. How's that for good fortune! But maybe that advantageous fluke could be the reason for my misfortunes in learning Spanish.... no? Damn, okay, that's not it. I know.
The real pressure point for me, is when I start to get nervous. That is when I choke the worst. Sometimes, I feel as if I appear as if I am an idiot. I just can't get anything out. I can't understand as much either. I would probably do better speaking underwater than when I'm nervous. Guess when I get the most anxious? Yessssss. When I am around the people that matter the most to my boyfriend. Of course I do.
It's not his fault. It's not their fault. It's in my head. It's the pressure I'm putting on myself to get it perfect. Why would I ever in a million years think that after this short amount of time that could happen. Perfection. Right. Everyone has been really nice too. Everyone has been welcoming. I just keep fucking it up all over the place.
The tricky part, is how much Spanish I actually have in my head. Shockingly, I know A LOT of Spanish. It's not perfect to say the least. I can have basic conversation. When I try to say things that are more complicated, I get all sorts of messed up. Unfortunately, none of my books go that far into depth. So I have no idea what I am doing wrong. If I had the why's and the what's I could understand what I was doing right and wrong, I could fix the problem.
Guess what? I can't help myself from trying to say complicated things. I am wordy. Just in case you hadn't noticed already. Heh, heh. When I'm nervous it's hard enough for me to try and think in a different language (words, changing the sentence structure, etc.), but then to also change my brain's way of thinking as well.... that's even harder. I haven't (OBVIOUSLY) gotten to the point of not needing to translate in my head yet... so everything is in ultra slow-mo for me. It's like I'm just watching the joke, getting it later, then I want to make a comment on it, but 10 more jokes have already come and gone in between. To late.
I have gone off track a bit, but this happens. All this is basically how the various meetings with my man's friends went in the Pyrenees. There was one person I was much less stressed with, but I couldn't hear her well because she spoke in a tone that blended into the background. And of course there was a woman there who would really only speak English with me, and she was really funny. Even weirder for me... by the end of the week, I was understanding more, I was even saying bit more (I did NOT say a lot, just a little more), but I don't think it registered.
I just have to figure out how to get my nerves under control and maybe, just maybe, some of that Spanish (that all day long I am forming sentences in my head- just in case!) floating around in my brain... might just start to click. It might even come out of my mouth one day. My brain might not even need a babel fish one day. wouldn't that be nice?!
Formigal in all it's natural beauty in the future.
(This photo is taken by an incredibly talented photographer. He takes photos as he travels the world. His photos are taken when he sees something that truly moves him, or touches his heart in some way. I think he would call them, Magic Moments. His name is: Joan Massó. He is from Barcelona, Spain.)
kimbersfrog
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