If i've misinterpreted... please don't burst my bubble!!!

           I mean what I wrote in the title. If I have misread the signs or underestimated the ability to be polite of others, I could be about to write a complete misrepresentation of the truth. However, we all have our own way of looking at things. I usually think we should try looking at things from as many other points of view as possible, especially when they are extremely different from our own. It probably won't change our minds, but it might give us a bit of empathy towards other human beings that are different from ourselves. In this case however, if I have missed clues that I should have seen, ehh... I don't want to know. I would prefer to see it only my way.
            In my household, we had very good meals. I don't mean expensive or healthy. What I mean however, is our meals were tasty! My mom can cook. Anything! And my dad, he can grill, mash potatoes like there is no tomorrow, and make some mean french toast! (We only recently found out he can make a wine reduction sauce... however we don't actually know if it was edible, maybe we'll get him to make it for someone who has taste buds someday!) The long winded point I'm making here, is in our wonderful dinners, we had a lot of garlic. We didn't have it in every meal, but we ate it a lot. Although I was a picky eater as a child (and teen), if memory serves, I never had a problem with garlic.  
           I knew from early on that people had garlic breadth, and apparently garlic farts (although, I wasn't really able to differentiate those from the other horrifying odors that emanated in our house... oh, well, we had dogs, right). I didn't ever actually think about the fact that I might smell like garlic until after college. And I just realized that now, as I am writing this. Huh.
        The restaurant I worked in closed for a couple hours during the day. During this time I could have anything I wanted to eat for free! One day, I had the chicken garlic dish. Have you ever had that? Did you ever notice (especially buffet style), that the chicken looks an awful lot like garlic cloves? I must have eaten somewhere between 6 to 8 garlic cloves that day.

        I had this great roommate, a friend of mine. She might remember even better than I how many cloves I eventually concluded that I ate. The reason she might remember, is because we were going to a pool tournament that night. I had gotten home and showered right away. When she got home, she was in the bathroom, I don't know... doing her hair, she like me doesn't do much in the way of preparation. She doesn't need to. Anyway, I came in, and before I even got to do whatever it was I came in to do...she said, "Did you have garlic today?" and I answered affirmatively, but still didn't really think I had that much, and I think I might have said that. Her response was, "You might want to shower again." (or something very close to that). I knew, it must have been bad. So I showered again. I could see it on her face when I came downstairs, my stench had preceded me. The garlic was emanating from my sweaty-arse pores!

        We went to the pool tournament. It was going as a small local pool tournament goes, slow, friendly, and strangely captivating. Somewhere in the middle of it there was an old man who thought it was time to show everyone his potato shooter. No, that is not a euphemism. So we all went into the parking lot across the street, and watch him shoot potatoes. It  was odd. There were only four of us in our twenties. The rest were regulars of that bar I think, and quite old. After 15 minutes or so of watching an old guy shoot potatoes (which was actually much more entertaining than it sounds), we went inside again to resume the tournament. About three quarters of the way through one of my games I walked by Mr. Potato Shooter to take my next shot. Just after I passed him, he says, "Hey, did someone eat garlic?"
         That was the night I began to realize that I might be emanating odors other than the air that escapes the cracks! Heh,heh. (Still funny, at almost 39) That is also when I noticed the societal preoccupation with garlic stink in America. I already knew, people had issues with odor, even I did. I just didn't realize that there was an objection to garlic. I really shouldn't say America, when I was in Britain and Ireland it seemed no different there. I was used to it by then. And frankly, I didn't care.
       The last disheartening encounter I had in the states with garlic was at a wedding I went to. After the wedding we went to a bar. They had bloody marys. I've never had a bloody mary so good. It was even better than mine and my mom's (sorry mom). I couldn't quite place the ingredient, but I wasn't really trying. There was a lot going on. There was a girl from England there who I befriended. She was very funny, real- it was refreshing. She said, "Oh is that a bloody mary? I haven't had one in a long time. Is it good?" I told her it was the best I had ever had. She went and got one. She too was impressed. About 15 minutes later, she said,"Is that garlic in there?" It hit me, that's what made the drink so..damn..good! Then I told her so. She went and brought hers back, then got a different drink. She did have a boyfriend there, can't blame her. I am pretty sure I would choose garlic over a man more often than not. Now I don't have to.
       Now I'm in Spain. The first day I was here I tried Gazpacho for the first time. It's brilliant, I highly recommend it. My boyfriend was really happy that I liked something so very definitely Spanish, he told everyone the first time I met them. I think he also knew it was one word I would recognize, that way I would feel like I was following the conversation.
       The reaction everyone had was the same, laughing and the word 'ajo'. Ajo means garlic. At first I thought they were giving him a jab because his girlfriend was going to have smelly breadth, or wasn't going to mind his smelly arse. Then I started noticing how much garlic is in the diet here. And I began to pay attention to the reaction to me or my boyfriend after having a meal with enough garlic to fell a horse. There was NO reaction. This could mean people are just extremely polite. However, even his friends didn't say... damn you stink. Not his family either. It is possible that culturally it's not appropriate. But, all signs point to garlic not being one of the odor issues here. People still dislike, sweaty people being too close or smelly feet, but no one seems to mind garlic.
       Obviously this has rocked my world. I am so happy about this, you can't even imagine. I never actually stopped eating garlic. I did however start at some point to worry about my odor. This used to irritate me greatly. I'm less worried about others catching a whiff of my very own personal wind.....probably because I think it's a little funny, and.. they really are quite nasty.
      This is why I say that if I have misread the signs, or am deluded in any way, I am good with that. Please, don't ruin this for me. There are so many cold hard truths in the world that we have no choice but to pay attention to. This one, is fine to believe in whether I'm wrong or right.

 Good night, and if you live anywhere near me, you might want to close your window... mine is open!

kimbersfrog

How to remain impassive, when some one passes gas.....

                  Twice. In one week and a half, I managed to find myself in one of those situations that can be very uncomfortable, extremely funny, and quite embarrassing all at once. All of these possibilities usually come together when only two people are involved, and those two people barely know each other. For me both occasions there were only two people in the room. And each time, I had only met the person one time before. These were not embarrassing incidents to me, which is shocking. For the other people involved, I can't say. These events are so similar I will tell them together until they naturally veer from one another.
                 I was sitting on one side of a table. The other person (okay... let's just say she), was sitting on the other side. Two people in the entire apartment. No people, dogs, cats, or any kind of creature were present. Then I smelled it. Amazingly enough, it wasn't me who made the smell o' fart. It was an indisputable smell. Now the stories start to differ.
                 The first one, was just an isolated incident. I smelled it. It was maybe a 5 on the meter. This is a shy, quiet type, whom I don't really know. I was on the verge of laughter. Really, just blurting out a loud noise that reduces into a regular laughter sort of laugh. Not appropriate. Instead I quickly made a joke, we both laughed, and went back to work. All I can hope for is that my face did not show every little expression, as it usually does. On to the next.
                 The second was a bit trickier. This girl was like a fumarole...and these were much more like mine. If you know me (which at the moment I think most of my readers do, thanks!), you know it's a disturbing fate for anyone to be in this sort of proximity to the source. An hour, ONE hour of maybe 3 to five minute intervals of pure undiluted gaseous emissions. This is not the shy quiet type, she is much more the polite and self-conscious type. Again, although my nature is to let out the wild laughter bubbling up inside me and let my immaturity reign, I contained it. This time however it was a tiny bit easier. I knew what to do. Eventually, I didn't even have to make a joke to cover my amusement. I just kept right on talking or listening, and made jokes inside my head.
                The point of all of this, is probably not all that important. I will however say, when I left the second person's place, I felt a little sad. It was as if a bit of my inner child had died. Luckily as soon as I finished that thought, it reminded me of how damn funny the whole thing was and I started laughing right there on the street. As kids farts are funny. As teens and young adults they continue to be. Now that I am am apparently getting older (my dad kindly informed me of that today), they are STILL funny. And if my parents and grandparents are any indication.....they will never cease to be funny.

It's good to know some things are timeless.

kimbersfrog