How to remain impassive, when some one passes gas.....

                  Twice. In one week and a half, I managed to find myself in one of those situations that can be very uncomfortable, extremely funny, and quite embarrassing all at once. All of these possibilities usually come together when only two people are involved, and those two people barely know each other. For me both occasions there were only two people in the room. And each time, I had only met the person one time before. These were not embarrassing incidents to me, which is shocking. For the other people involved, I can't say. These events are so similar I will tell them together until they naturally veer from one another.
                 I was sitting on one side of a table. The other person (okay... let's just say she), was sitting on the other side. Two people in the entire apartment. No people, dogs, cats, or any kind of creature were present. Then I smelled it. Amazingly enough, it wasn't me who made the smell o' fart. It was an indisputable smell. Now the stories start to differ.
                 The first one, was just an isolated incident. I smelled it. It was maybe a 5 on the meter. This is a shy, quiet type, whom I don't really know. I was on the verge of laughter. Really, just blurting out a loud noise that reduces into a regular laughter sort of laugh. Not appropriate. Instead I quickly made a joke, we both laughed, and went back to work. All I can hope for is that my face did not show every little expression, as it usually does. On to the next.
                 The second was a bit trickier. This girl was like a fumarole...and these were much more like mine. If you know me (which at the moment I think most of my readers do, thanks!), you know it's a disturbing fate for anyone to be in this sort of proximity to the source. An hour, ONE hour of maybe 3 to five minute intervals of pure undiluted gaseous emissions. This is not the shy quiet type, she is much more the polite and self-conscious type. Again, although my nature is to let out the wild laughter bubbling up inside me and let my immaturity reign, I contained it. This time however it was a tiny bit easier. I knew what to do. Eventually, I didn't even have to make a joke to cover my amusement. I just kept right on talking or listening, and made jokes inside my head.
                The point of all of this, is probably not all that important. I will however say, when I left the second person's place, I felt a little sad. It was as if a bit of my inner child had died. Luckily as soon as I finished that thought, it reminded me of how damn funny the whole thing was and I started laughing right there on the street. As kids farts are funny. As teens and young adults they continue to be. Now that I am am apparently getting older (my dad kindly informed me of that today), they are STILL funny. And if my parents and grandparents are any indication.....they will never cease to be funny.

It's good to know some things are timeless.

kimbersfrog

Me? A factoid... bahhh, no, I .... O.K., probably...

            I was first introduced to the factoid without realizing it. I could give you the dictionary definition of a factoid, but that would ruin my version. I am going to use the term loosely. To me and my family it is a statement that has been told as if it is a fact. The reason for that is more often than not because the person telling it, actually believes it. This is either because it fits nicely into their argument and somewhere in their head it makes the most sense (which usually turns out to be true, right?). Other times I think two facts get switched with the wrong subjects, or something like that. I think you get the idea. It's very easy to convince someone of something, if you're not trying to convince them because you actually believe it.
           I try to keep my factoids to a minimum. If I notice one, I try to slurp it back in, or make a joke of it. Unless of course I'm with my family, then I like to see if I can pass it off.
           Now, I have done it. I was teaching a person. Teaching. Then a giant, whopping FACTOID just oozed out of my mouth like melted butter. Really I was smooth. in about a half of a second, I realized what it was. I think my eyes must have gotten about 3 sizes larger! I was thinking, CRAP what do I do?! Keep going? Hope she doesn't notice or remember for that matter. However, what if she asks me a question about it. And that, my friends, is exactly what she did... before I even got to totally freeze in my own embarrassment. 
          Honestly, right now, I have no idea what it was about. But, I ended up telling her that I might have just told her a factoid. Then I had to try to explain a 'factoid'.  Luckily, I am very good at explaining things I do know. I was even able to make her laugh.

This story is dedicated to my father who started me on my factoid journey. And yes Dad, you do resemble that remark. (Like father like daughter.... oh and other daughter... oh and mother too.)

kimbersfrog