Nervous enough...

              I'm not going to talk about anxiety of the highest levels here, that is a level I have only briefly encountered. In fact, I must take a moment to express my admiration for anyone who has to deal with true anxiety on a regular basis, I would never be able to function. So I am incredibly impressed and truly respect those who can.

             There are times, however when you just can't quite get the tension to go away. Stress is a powerful thing. It can push you. It can pull. It can rip and squeeze. It can make you mad and make you cry. And of course it can make you totally irrational. I love stress, don't you? Heh.

             It's true that there have been many things in my life as of late that have been causing stress. I have been able to only let it effect my life in short lived periods of time. Relatively speaking. For the most part, I've been able to calm myself to a lower level of tension. What I have been most successful at is not letting the stress of my medication change get to me.
             Until now. Tomorrow I run out of my current medication. I have to return to a previous medication. They are the same but not equal. The point is, I am really nervous. I know that I have had break through seizures on this medication before. Not many, but some. And tomorrow I will go back to it.
            It wasn't until about 8 or so tonight that I finally let it get to me. What do I do with that? I was lucky enough to talk to a good friend of mine who gave me some good thoughts and advice, he was there at just the right time. I like skype when it's working!
            Unfortunately, the reality is, I am alone in this. No one is here. I have no one to talk to about this. I'm pretty sure no one really wants to hear about it anyway. People don't really like to talk about stuff that scares them. Especially with the people they care about.
 I guess that sucks for me.
           I am not writing this for a pity party. That is the last thing I need. I do want other epileptics out there to know (if there are any that read this), that some of us do feel this way some of the time. And sometimes you have to get used to the fact that people will just not be there for you. It is not because they don't love you. In fact a lot of the time it is just the opposite, people aren't always capable of being there AT the time you need them. So you need to find another way to cope.
          Me? For me, I find this blog to be extremely helpful. It calms me. Then I don't have to keep my mind on NOT keeping my mind on the things that are upsetting me. We all need something to help us deal with our tension and pain in addition to coping skills. Please find yours, it will help. And every so often, you will have a friend like mine, who stand up to the plate, and is there for you. Whether you are able to take the help or not.

   Thank you friend.

kimbersfrog

Thoughts to share, when no one's around: 4 options!

     When you quickly find yourself living alone (even if it is temporary), there may come a time in which you have a thought that you just need to share. In some circumstances you might not have very many options. So on one of those many lonely nights, with billions of thoughts racing through your head.... at least a few things will want to be heard.

     Here are my options as I see them. Maybe you can relate to a few....


  1) Hold it in.

  2) Run out and find the first person who stops, and start talking.

  3) Talk to yourself.

  4) Talk to the T.V., computer, or books.


  That was pretty much all I came up with. This is the problem with those solutions.


  1) If you hold it in:

        a) You might go a little batty

        b) The next loved one you talk to will THINK you've gone batty. 

           Think about it, you're probably speaking really fast, rambling incessantly, 

           and unable to let them get a word in edgewise.

  2) If you start talking to the first person you meet.

        a) Well, you will out of necessity have to speak as much as possible as

           fast as possible. (Already- this is questionable) 

        b) If they are still there- check for these three things: Are they about to

           hit you? Have they called the cops? Do they speak English? Do you 

           care? (The last question is what kills it for me.)

  3) Talking to yourself.

        a) In my opinion, this is the best option. A small comment here and 

           there. It relieves that urge. You can hopefully remember to tell someone

           for REAL later. Most importantly, it gets out.

  4) Talking to the T.V., computer or books. 

        a) Really, let's call this what it is. This is not talking. This generally leans 

           towards ranting. When you have been irritated enough by whatever is 

           on the tele, or that you've just read on the net or in a book, and so you

           must comment. You have to comment. However we can only hope that 

           while this is bound to happen, these types of irritations are not so constant. 

           It wouldn't be healthy. For that matter it wouldn't be prudent for me to suggest

           it.

     As you have read, letting out the occasional thought, is the way I choose to go. It might not be for everyone. It serves me well. Still can't wait until there are 2 people here again, but it will do for now.


kimbersfrog