I can't believe I am going to post this....Be strong (hee,hee)

           Have you ever discovered something about yourself at an odd moment? Not only that, but something that really truly surprised you? Well, I recently did. What's more, it shouldn't have surprised me at all. I think somewhere inside I must have known it. Right?  Now I will embarrass myself willingly.... and tell you all.
           I was on the train home the other evening. At that time of night the trains are pretty packed, so I was standing. That suit me just fine, I kind of enjoy standing sometimes. Of course I was doing what I always do, making sure my pockets and bag weren't being picked, and listening to people's conversations, and watching. Everyone.

          Yes, I freely admit I am that nosey that I listen in to what others are saying. Of course, here with my limited Spanish, it is not as easy. It is however more entertaining, when I fill in the blanks as if they're mad libs!

          As for the watching people, I try not to be noticeable. I try to be casual about it. It has been made apparent to me a multitude of times, that I am not subtle. So those nonchalant glances around the train car are going unnoticed... who's to say for sure?
         Neither of these things are what I learned about myself though. I have always known I enjoyed those things. It does not make me proud or embarrassed, I just enjoy it when it happens!
        At some point however, I noticed the girl in front of me. She was incredibly skinny. I was trying to understand what was being said by the couple behind me, I was also wondering if I was that skinny when I was her age. She looked healthy however. Now I'm really thin too, but I have muscle. When I was about her age, I was pretty skinny. At some point I started to examine my arm as it was holding the rail above me.
          I will be the first to admit I really have no balance. It can actually be a bit embarrassing at times. I will also say, the trains here are incredibly smooth. I don't even need the rail except at one or two of the stops. So when I looked up to find my hand was gripping the bar like a vice and all the muscles from my wrist to my shoulder were taut, I must say, I was a little taken aback. Not a lot. Just a bit.
         Obviously, I loosened my grip. I thought, wow, I must be stressed out. I know I'm stressed out. Surely that must be it. Within seconds, I started squeezing again. Hmmm. This didn't feel like stress squeeze. I know that feeling. I would call that more of a tension clench that reaches from your head to your toes then back up to your butt cheeks. Not pretty, but true.
         Now, I'm wondering why is it I strengthened my grip again right away? In fact, come to think of it, why on such a smooth ride, was I using my arm for balance- the entire ride? Tightening and loosening, back and forth? What is wrong with me.
         That was the point that I realized that I had probably been making a string of shall we say, interesting, expressions while thinking about all this. The reason I came to believe this? I am pretty sure the guy by the door and I share the same small interest in voyeurism. He was looking at me as if he was mystified as to what could possibly be going on in my head. I then returned to my arm.
          Still I'm using it as if I need it for balance. Then it hit me! Oh my, heheheheheh. Wow, I am still a little baffled by it. In some ways it makes sense. In others it makes none. I am proud of my muscles. I actually want other people to see them. There it is. Yep. Apparently, there is some vanity in that little bitty brain of mine after all. The part that doesn't make sense is... I generally don't go out of my way to show off my shape, good or bad- it's all relative. On the other hand, I have always gone on about how strong I am... so maybe it does make sense.

        Idle thoughts to fill the time, and this is what I get from it. I'm vain. Great. On a good note, I might be able to kick your butt!!! HeeHee. (Man, I can't get away from it.)

kimbersfrog